I dedicate this song to all those sorry sack of s*& attorneys that steal clients from other attorneys after they sign them up.
(Scroll to the bottom and click on the video to get "the beat".)
I Already Got An Attorney
Verse One:
Aiyyo sweetie, you’re lookin kinda hurt
What’s a client like you, doin rubbin their face in the dirt
I’m just here, tryin to hold up my frown
Yeah, I think I like how that sounds
What you say we gets to know each other better?
That sounds good but I don’t think that I can let ya
I don’t know, tell me is it so
Do you get a kick, out of tellin attorneys no?
No it’s not that see you don’t understand
How should I put it, I got an attorney.
What’s your attorney got to do with me?
I told ya
I’m not tryin to hear that see
I’m not one of those clients that go signing up all around
I’m not some defense attorney, so don’t play me like a clown
I’ll admit, I like how you litigate it
Now you’re talkin baby, dats da word of mouth I need
Now don’t get excited and spewing legalese
I already told ya, I got an attorney
What’s your attorney got to do with me?
I got an attorney
I’m not tryin to hear that see
I got an attorney
What’s your attorney got to do with me?
I got an attorney
I’m not tryin to hear that
Now you can persist to play King of Torts all day
But ain’t nothin gonna change
Yeah baby, sure you’re right
I’m a break it down and do whatever I gots to do
I tell you now, I got a personal investigator already working for you
You got eyes, but they not for me
You better use them for what they for and that’s to see
You know what’s the problem, ya not used to greed
I’m Big Daddy Warbucks, and your attorneys picking up somebody’s Starbucks
I got a question to ask you peep
Are you on the Trial Lawyers Listserve, cause its got a leak
You know what they say about those who represent themselves
You might find the fool, by yourself
I’m not waitin because I’m no waiter
So when I litigate that big case, don’t try to kick it to me later
All them other clients must got you gassed
A-when they see a good thing they don’t let it pass
Well that’s OK, cause see if that’s their plan
Cause for me, I already got an attorney
What’s your attorney got to do with me?
I got an attorney
I’m not tryin to hear that see
I got an attorney
What’s your attorney got to do with me?
I got an attorney
I’m not tryin to hear that
What am I, some PI paying off low life ambulance runner
that just caught wind of a death case and sweatin you for a date?
I don’t want no beef, I just wants to strike you with leather
But how you talkin, pssssh, whatevah!
We can’t have nothin
It all depends
Well if we can’t be professionals than we can’t be friends
Well then I guess it’s nothing
Well hey I think you’re bluffing
Well I’m a call my attorney
Well I am going to be huffing and puffin about not knowing you had an attorney
Ya better catch a flashback remember I’m the King is this small town
You know my style, I don’t let nobody hold me down
All I remember’s an excuse me miss
You can’t get a client like me with a lame ass runner like this
Well look I’ll get you paid
My attorney gets me paid better
I talk sweet on the phone
My attorney writes me letters
I’ll tell you that I want you, and tell you that I care
My attorney says the same except he’s sincere
Well I’m clean cut and dapper, that’s what I’m about
My attorney reads me things and lets me pout
Well you can keep your attorney, cause I only go the money route
Don’t you know you better respect my authority
There’s a lot of clients out there who won’t say no
You’re out for numero uno
Boom batter my pockets is gettin fatter
I wanna treat you up and provide for you
Let me know the spot on your body and I will have a doctor treat you
So when your attorney don’t treat you like he used to
I kick in like a hen house Rooster
You want lawyering you don’t have to ask when
Your attorney’s a headache, I’ll be your aspirin
All confusion, you know I’ll solve em
I got an attorney
You got a what?
How long you had that problem?
What’s your attorney got to do with me?
I got an attorney
I’m not tryin to hear that see
I got an attorney
What’s your attorney got to do with me?
I got an attorney
I’m not tryin to hear that
I got an attorney
Aiyyo baby put the dial numbers or your address
I got an attorney
I told ya I treat you right
I got an attorney
Aww c’mon now ain’t no future in telling the truth
I’m not havin it
C’mon Miss, oh we back on that again
Uhh, I’m not tryin to hear that see
I got an attorney
But your attorney ain’t me
Uhh, uhh, I got an attorney
You got a WHAT?
Uhh, uhh, uhh, I got an attorney
You got a WHAT?
You hear that ___________ Law Firm, they already got an attorney!